Never Again

I will never have this moment again.

I will never have this day again.

It's gone.

I've been thinking lately about how easy it is to look to the future. Especially as a college student, it's easy to look ahead and say "When I get out of school, I'll do such and such." Or "When such and such happens, I'll work on this." Always looking to the future, always waiting for tomorrow.

Hey, there's a song about that! If you listened to Stellar Kart a few years ago, you know what I'm talking about ;D The lyrics go like this:

Always waiting for tomorrow
Always waiting for the new to come around
Still waiting for tomorrow
Always waiting for anything but now

Now, don't get me wrong, it IS important to plan ahead, to look ahead and to have a goal in life!
BUT it is really easy to be so excited for the future, living so much for tomorrow, that we miss out on what God is doing now.

I think it's important to have a dream and a goal and to know where God is calling us. But let's not miss what God has for us now.

Because we will never have this moment again. You will never be exactly who you are, in this very place, in this very moment, in this very situation, with the same people, with the same emotions, with the same thoughts all together, ever again. Today will never happen again. Similar days may happen. But you will never have today back.

I'm reading The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis right now. If you don't know what that is, it's a series of letters written from the perspective of one demon to another, concerning the tempting methods of a man. There is a chapter in which the demon writing gives advice to the demon receiving the letter, concerning how to get his human to view time.

"...the Present is the point at which time touches eternity...Our business is to get them away from the eternal, and from the Present. With this in view, we sometimes tempt a human...to live in the Past...It is far better to make them live in the Future...it is unknown to them, so that in making them think about it we make them think of unrealities...To be sure, the Enemy (God) wants men to think of the Future too--just so much as is necessary for now planning the actions of justice or charity which will probably be their duty tomorrow...He does not want men to give the future their hearts, to place their treasure in it. We do...we want a man hag-ridden by the Future...We want a whole race perpetually in pursuit of the rainbow's end, never honest, nor kind, nor happy now, but always using as mere fuel wherewithal to heap the altar of the future every real gift which is offered them in the present."

This was sobering to me, because it made me consider--how much time do I waste worrying about what's ahead or thinking so much about my future, that I forget to make the best opportunity of what God has placed before me now.

I go to a fabulous school. I have amazing people in my life. I get chances to lead worship, both at my church and my school. I get to learn daily more about God and people and music. I get to live here where I am, with these people around me, doing the things that I get to do now.

And I will never have this unique blend of time, place, people and opportunities that I now have, ever again. Tomorrow will be different. The next season of my life will be different.

So how am I living now?

Happy Single's Awareness Day!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Or Single's Awareness Day. Whichever you prefer.

I feel like Valentine's Day is somewhat of a touchy subject for some people. And it's no big deal for others. And it's a joyous, lovey dovey occasion for others.

Who knew one holiday could be celebrated so many different ways?

You have your non-single people, whose brains probably look something like this:

And you have your single people, whose brains probably look something like this:

OR something like this:

Personally, I find myself in a cross between Godzilla up there, and this:

Kidding! But not really. Depends on the day. I just really wanted to incorporate that Justin Bieber song in this posting...

All kidding aside, some people make a big deal out of this day, and others don't. And the reasons for doing so or for not doing so are, I'm guessing, about as unique as the individual the reasons come from.

Before I continue, I would just like to say, that if you have a significant other to celebrate this day with, blessings and happiness to you. I hope this day is wonderful and romantic and memorable. I really do. Now, know that the rest of this posting is directed towards singles, but you may get something out of it too. 

Everybody watch this:  http://youtu.be/XtbW_2FONn8

Ok, my single friends. Hear me out. I'm single too. As single as they come. My mother had been married for a year by the time she was my age. (I'm 20. You do the math) I have close friends who are in serious relationships, or engaged, or married. I have a friend younger than me who's been married since this summer! Couples are hooking up all around me, seriously like all the time. I go to a Bible college for crying out loud. 

I know what it's like to want a boyfriend and not have one. I know what it's like to like someone and have them pay special attention to your friend instead of you. I know what it's like to have someone like you and to not like them back. I know what it is to be single. Trust me. I know what it is to have that little creepy voice whisper in the back of your mind saying "Something is wrong with you. You're not worth loving. You're not worth pursuing. No one will ever want to go deeper into who you are. You're not worth knowing. Suck it up."

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who's ever gotten that message. So let's walk through this together, shall we? This isn't about Valentine's Day. This is about our hearts. Because what's in our hearts is magnified in situations like this. In other words, your attitude towards this day is indicative of what's going on inside of you.

What I have found is that I cannot, cannot, cannot base my social status, my value, my worth, my affirmation, my future, my anything, on other people. The only only only only person who can silence the creepy voice of worthlessness is Jesus Christ. And I am firmly convinced that if I am not whole and complete and significant and loved and loving without a guy in my life, then I will not be all those things with a guy in my life. Yes, I want to get married someday. Yes, I would love to have a boyfriend. But I also know that this is a time of my life that I will never have again. And for me to waste a lot of time wishing for what isn't mine in this season, is to miss what is for me in this season. If all my energy and thought life is spend wishing for a guy, then I'm missing out on the blessings and opportunities God has right in front of me. The guy will come. My job is to travel the road I'm on faithfully until God joins our two roads together. 

If you are freaking out about this day because you are single, I would like to humbly and gently offer this piece of advice: relax. It's ok. Take a deep breath. You are not the only single person in the world. And you have the rest of your life ahead of you. 

And your worth is not reliant on you having a significant other.

Now, what I'm not saying today is that we should all want to be nuns or monks or that we should stop liking people or stop wanting to fall in love. That is not what I am saying.

What I am saying is let's not freak out. Rest in knowing that when the time is right, it'll happen. And I firmly believe that if we let God write our love story, rather than trying to tell Him how we think it should go, it'll be so much more beautiful. 

Enjoy your day today. Knowing that regardless of your current relationship status, you're ok. Life is full of seasons. Enjoy the one you're in. It's not forever. 

We're ok, my single friends. We're ok. And there is nothing wrong with us. Don't let anyone tell you that there is. 

Happy Valentine's Day. :)

Sex Sells.

Sex sells. Obviously.

Don't worry, I'm not going to go off on a tirade about all the sensual Super Bowl commercials like thousands of other people are probably doing. Nor am I going to discuss all the elements of Beyonce's half time show (which, don't get me wrong, she's a talented artist. It's too bad though that her performance made her another object for men to watch and drool over).

But hey, this is our culture, right? A world where female performers are expected to show skin, dance their butts off (literally), and give those dark mysterious looks into the camera? A world where "Two Broke Girls" pole dance "because it's the Super Bowl." A world where women and girls are brought into New Orleans specifically for the Super Bowl, to "service" anywhere from 25-50 men in a day. A world where what used to be something sacred and beautiful has been reduced to nothing more than an exchange of saliva between whatever randomly-matched people a company chooses to publicize. A world where it's normal for a male model to prance around in his underwear.

Well played, Satan. Well played. You've managed to take some of God's most creative and beautiful ideas, you've taken His image-bearers and the highest possible level of human intimacy and you've managed to twist them, strangle them, mangle them, rip it all up and repackage everything as something appealing.

And we've bought it.

We've totally bought it. Because we are wired for intimacy. We are wired for sex. We are wired to admire the opposite sex. But something inside us is broken and we have stopped treating all this as something beautiful and God-ordained. It has become our god. Instead of a means of worshiping God as He intended, we have made sex our god.

So we live in a world where sex is glorified and publicized. A world where the expected "Secret Life" of our teenagers is sex. A world where women are expected to dress to show what they've got and act in ways guys like. A world where men are expected to meet the athletic, muscular profile. A world where we all have to be toned and tanned enough to look really good in a swim suit.

Does anyone else have a problem with this? Being told by culture that all you're good for is sex? Because that's essentially what all these messages mean. The expectations and standards of our world is that we are attractive and mysterious enough to maintain a couple of really intriguing romances before we get really old and wrinkly. And because no one wants to get old and wrinkly, do everything you can to "reverse" the aging process so you stay attractive. So that you're good for something.

We've created a mess for ourselves. A mess too big to explore in a blog. This page would go on and on if I kept pointing out messages and ways we're lied to.

I don't think we really need to be told though, do we? We know all this. Deep down inside, we know all this.

What are you going to do about it?

Seriously, not sarcastically or rhetorically or shrugging it off.

What are you going to do?

Just what I needed

I was not excited to wake up this morning.

Yesterday was a super long day, with me getting home around midnight, absolutely exhausted from a day of classes, work, Zumba, homework and going and going and going. And it just wasn't really my day. Ya know?

So when my alarm went off this morning...let's just say I hit the snooze button. Several times.

It was foggy. I was tired. I was achey. I didn't want to move. My bed was comfy, it was warm and who really wants to leave that? Especially when you know homework is waiting for your attention because it's due in a few hours...

Now, if I was more perfect, the next thing I'd have to say would be that I got up anyways, thanking God for the day with a smile on my face, did my devotions, listened to worship music as I got ready and the rest of the day was perfect.

Sigh. Not quite.

I did get up. Eventually. ;) I did thank God for the day. I didn't do my devotions (but I'm doing them tonight!), and I didn't listen to worship music as I got ready. I didn't pay close enough attention on my homework and therefore didn't do an entire page. I didn't get my piano practiced and I forgot about a test I have tomorrow (thank you Grace for reminding me).

But I'm still glad I got up this morning and that I have a Savior who loves me through my imperfections, less-than-stellar attitudes and failures.

Today I got to spend time with some dear friends. One in the morning as I did homework and had coffee, another during lunch, another on a half-hour walk in the sunshine. I got to go home for dinner with my family (a rare occurrence for me due to work schedules), and I had chocolate. :)

Maybe these things don't seem like big deals, but they were to me.

Being with friends and being with family are huge blessings to me. The sun was something I was really, really desiring (I'm like a solar-powered energizer bunny. Ok, not really. But if you lived in Oregon, you'd know the feeling of desiring sun the way we do). And coffee and chocolate are things that I really enjoy. Not life changing, but I still enjoy them.

In other words, today may not have been absolutely perfect, but it was sure full of blessings. And if I wasn't looking for God's love notes, He sure made them obvious.

He knows what blesses me and energizes me. And today He gave me a whole bunch of them. Just what I needed, when I needed it.

Even though I wasn't excited to wake up this morning.

I wish it could be this way every time I wake up like this. But the fog doesn't always lift, people aren't always around, chocolate and coffee take money and long days happen. And if all the things that make me happy were around all the time I'd probably cease to appreciate them.

Just what I needed, when I needed it. God's love notes. Sometimes really obvious, sometimes not. Today was pretty obvious :)

Thank You, Lord.

Light bearers

Light bearer.

A dear friend of mine brought up these words as she told me of something that had been prophesied over her. For some reason, those words have stuck in my head and heart over the past few days. We always hear the words "You are the light of the world, a city on a hill." We hear about how we are God's image bearers. We hear we are His representatives here on earth. We hear the world is a dark place, desperately in need of the light of Christ, the light of the hope we have within us.

But how often do we really "get it."

I'm realizing a lot lately how much I "know." I grew up in church, I know the right answers. Someone says something I've heard before and my response is usually (mentally) "Yeah, I know, I know." But do I really?

Do I really grasp the concept of what it means to be a light bearer? Christ says to His disciples "You are the light of the world...let your light shine before men."

What does that really mean? We sing the little kids song "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine." What does that mean?

I love the Lord of the Rings. When I hear the words "light bearer" I think of Frodo. Partially because he was a ring bearer, but mostly because of the picture of him holding the pure light of Earendil in the midst of the filth, darkness and evil of Shelob's lair.

I think that's a pretty good picture of how we look spiritually in our world. Or should look.

Picture with me your town. I'm in Eugene. One of the pagan capitals of the world. It's a dark place. There is death, decay, destruction and horror everywhere. Not to the naked eye. But put your spiritual eyes on with me here. Lives torn apart, lies believed and embraced, demons worshiped. Darkness, blindness, filth. Much like Shelob's lair. Snares, entanglements and webs everywhere. And we have an adversary. Who would much prefer that we leave his turf. And if he can keep us in the dark, he's got the upper hand. He can lead us into anything, any web to take us out, if we can't see where we're going.

But we can see where we're going. Or, we should be able to see and discern where we're going.

We don't have the light of Earendil. But we have something even better and more powerful.

We have the light of Christ.

The light that reveals, guides and causes darkness to flee. The light that is pure, clean, healing and restoring. The light that keeps the enemy blinded and gives us the upper hand. Darkness cannot exist where there is light.

So in your world today, in your town, in your work, in your school, in your home- do not fear the darkness. Regardless of what destruction may be going on all around you, regardless of the hopelessness, regardless of the lies and evil all around. Do not fear. Do not give up. Do not give in. Do not allow your light to be belittled or extinguished. Cling to the hope of Christ. Let that hope drive you. It will shine out of you.

Though there is utter darkness everywhere, we do not walk as those who cannot see. Walk forward light-bearer.

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." -Ephesians 6:12

"In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." -John 1:4-5

Wishing for perfection, living in grace

I wish I was perfect.

Ever feel that way? I hope I'm not the only one.

I find myself always caught up in this thought process: I wish I was perfect. But if I was perfect then I wouldn't need Christ. But I do need Christ, and I want to need Christ. But it's because of my imperfection that I need Him. If I was perfect, He wouldn't have had to suffer for me. But He did, because I'm not perfect.

I still wish I was perfect.

If I was perfect, I'd never say anything stupid, or mean, or out of place. I would never hurt anyone or let anyone down. No one would ever have to be disappointed in me or hurt by me.

I'm so performance-oriented. Maybe that's why I wish I was perfect. Perfection means never messing up which means never letting down. Always doing or saying the right thing.

I'm not perfect. I say stupid things. I hurt people. I am naturally selfish and self centered. I let people down. I speak when I shouldn't, and don't speak when I should. I fear change and loss. I allow my mind to go places it should not.

Today in the Romans and Galatians class I'm taking, we talked about justification and how it's a positional term. It comes through faith and is not reliant on works. Our works are a result of our justification, not the means by which we are justified.

I struggle grasping that. Our culture is so performance-based, our whole lives we are screamed at by the world to perform, perform, perform to gain acceptance. Wear this, do that, say this, don't say that, listen to this, watch this, be this way, follow this model if you want to be accepted out here. Especially for artists, our acceptance in the world is based on what we can do. Our culture values those who can contribute to society and has no sympathy for those who have nothing to bring to the table.

So opposite from the kingdom of God. God welcomes those who have nothing to bring, He searches those out. His heart is to justify those who cannot justify themselves (which is all of us).

I still wish I was perfect. I'm still being worked on. It's a process. Someday, in the next life, I will be made perfect. Until then, I am justified and perfected in the eyes of God and there is grace that covers all of me. Blood strong enough to cover my sin, grace sufficient to sustain.

"God, I've let you down so many times." "No. You were never holding Me up...in this relationship, I hold you up." -The Chisel Sketch

"For is by grace you have been saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, not works, lest anyone should boast." -Ephesians 2:8-9

"What I did was unforgivable." "What I did on the cross was to take what is unforgivable and make it forgivable." -"Grace" sketch

"I have a great need for Christ. I have a great Christ for my need." -C.H. Spurgeon

The Blessing of Momentum

I've started this post several times, looking for the perfect creative way to describe what is going on in my heart and mind right now. And I can't quite find it. So I am just going to say it plainly.

I love Momentum.

Our awesome dance team at a youth conference.

For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, let me explain. I get to be a part of an amazing team of creative and talented people. We call ourselves the Momentum Team. And we get to lead worship and use our creative giftings to glorify God and to point others to Him. We also get to do some traveling, to represent the school we all go to. We've been to numerous high schools and several summer camps and youth conferences. 

I love Momentum. 

"Ok, Corinne, that's nice, but what's the big deal?"

 The "Chisel" Sketch

There is something special about this team. We consist of musicians, singers, dancers and actors and somehow over the past few years we've become a family. I'm not sure quite how it's happened. We come from several states, we all have different backgrounds and church and family experiences. We have different giftings and we have different personalities. But somehow, through our love for God and our love for what we do, a team has been formed that is unlike any team I've been apart of. 

And really, why shouldn't we be this way? After traveling together, performing together, leading together, working together, spending lots and lots of time together, why shouldn't we be like a family? 

We are :) I don't know how else to say it, or how to explain it, but this is my Momentum family. 

I don't quite know why I'm blogging about this, other than to say this: God puts the right people in my life at the right times. I've always appreciated this team, but lately I've been realizing even more just what a blessing they are to me. They make me laugh, they stretch me and push me to be better than I am. They encourage me, they care about me and I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. My day automatically gets better after band practices and Momentum outings. 

Remember how I said that this blog would be dedicated to looking for God's love notes? Daily reminders of His love? The Momentum team is one of those for me. I realized after spending most of yesterday with them, that when I am around them, I have such a sense of delight and can feel God smiling down and whispering "This is a blessing from Me to you." God didn't have to put these people in my life, but He did. 

Momentum: "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until not. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of the grace...And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." -Philippians 1:3-7, 9-11

Some of our team in South Dakota for a youth camp this last summer.