Why So Busy?

SPRING BREAK!!!!!

A wonderful week for college students. No papers, no reading, no classes. No pressure. No due dates. No homework. Nothing.

But, we normally fill the space with as much fun, "relaxing," stuff as we can.

As I'm heading into my spring break, I am pondering the question of why do we make ourselves soooo busy?

Because personally, my life right now is rather insane. You have no idea how happy I am to be on break right now.

When someone asks me how things are going, I usually respond in one of two ways:
1). Busy!
2). Crazy busy!

When someone asks how I am doing, I have two rehearsed answers, either one of which may apply at any moment:
1). Good
2). Tired

I'm guessing I'm not alone in this. In fact, I know I'm not alone in this. Maybe it's just a Bible college thing, but the majority of my friends usually find themselves in this place as well.

So I am asking, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we cram so much into our lives?

I am especially asking this question because I myself have a habit of cramming as much as possible into my life. And going and going and going and going till I have run myself to the ground. As many credits as possible, as many music opportunities as possible, as many jobs as possible, as many leadership opportunities as possible...and this results in as much homework as possible, as few free weekends as possible, as much muisc practice as possible, and as little sleep as possible.

Why?

What it is about being busy?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't think we're just supposed to sit around doing nothing all day. We are supposed to work and do things and be productive. It's good to do things and to "have a life," if you will. And we fill our lives with good things! School and church and bible studies and extra curricular activites and jobs and friends and families...all really good things!

But why do we run around like chickens with our heads caught off?

Is anyone else asking this question? Does anyone else find themselves in the place of utter exhaustion, feeling like you have nothing left to give to anything or anybody? And does anyone else find themselves so busy, with so much scheduled into their day, that time at the feet of our Savior is compromised or done away with altogether? And does anyone else find that when they do have time to spend with Jesus, that it's hard to focus because there are a million other things calling out your name?

Why do we do this?

We all know the story of Martha and how Jesus chided her because she was so busy doing that she forogt to just be. To spend time at the feet of the Lord. We know that we aren't supposed to be like her, right?

So why do we still do it?

God dropped an answer for myself on me at church this morning. But it was very specific to me. I'm guessing we all make ourselves busy for different reasons. I may blog later this week about what God showed me about the state of my own heart, and some things that He has been showing me about this in general, but what about you? As I process this topic this week, would you join me? Can we examine our hearts together and honestly ask God, "why do I put so much into my life that I crowd You out?"

Because I'm pretty sure that while God intends us to be about His business, He never intended us to put so much into our lives that we end up putting Him to the side or wearing ourselves out so thin.

What do you think? Do you find yourself in this place sometimes? Is your life insane? Do you have time for Jesus?

Saying Goodbye

I hate saying goodbye.

I really do.

But somehow I seem to be in a season of goodbyes. And this specific season will probably last at least another year. And I am dreading it.

Allow me to explain.

I am in my junior year of college. Which means a). That I have dear friends graduating this year and b). That I will be graduating next year. So, saying goodbye to those leaving me this year and saying goodbye to those I'll leave next year.

But, graduation hasn't happened yet! I still have a few weeks.

Oh wait, I still have a goodbye to say tomorrow.

*Sigh* You know those people who somehow just get a hold of your heartstrings? There's just something about them, they have a way of stealing your heart in some fashion. I have a habit of "adopting" such people. I have a whole slew of adopted little brothers and sisters.

Three of these "adopted" kids happen to also be my actual brother's best friends.

Aren't they precious? They're two years younger than me and I've known them for years. And ever since they entered high school and we were all in youth group together, they've been my little brothers. I've gone to Mexico with them, gone on dozens of youth group outings and attended hundreds of youth group bible studies with them. I've worked with a couple of them on worship teams and have pushed at least of one them to grow beyond their comfort zone. Our families have gone camping together, we've hung out so many times. And even after beginning college and being around them less, they're those type of friends that you can just pick up where you left off with, no matter how many months have passed since you've last seen them. My little brothers.

Why am I bringing all this up?

Because one of them is moving. Across the United States. 

I hate saying goodbye. 

Even though I know that this is how it has to be, even though I know God will take care of this kid, even though I know this is just a part of life, and I know I'm being such a girly big sister, that doesn't change the fact that I hate goodbyes. All that knowledge doesn't change the fact that I feel incredibly sad. 

Why? I have no idea. If you figure it out, let me know.

Because this is just the beginning of the goodbyes that I will have to say even in the next year. This year alone I must say goodbye to an amazing teacher who is moving on to another school; I must say goodbye to a dear Montanan couple who have had a huge impact on my life; I must say goodbye to dear friends from Hawaii who brighten up my day; I must say goodbye to dozens of others who will be leaving and moving on. And next year at this time I will be getting ready to say goodbye to those who I will be leaving as I move on. 

So, how do you deal with goodbyes? How do you make the most of every moment, knowing it won't be forever? How do you go about saying goodbyes? How do you deal with pieces of your heart going all over the place with the people you have developed friendships with? 

I have previously not asked specifically for feedback on this blog, but if you would comment on these questions, I would love to hear what you have to say. I would mostly love to know that I'm not the only one that this happens to. Although I'm strange like that, so it wouldn't surprise me. 

How do you deal with saying goodbyes to dear friends? 

A God That Blesses When I'm Not Looking.

Can I just brag to you about my God for a minute?

He's so funny. He likes to do things for me when I least expect it.

Here's my current situation that brings this up:
The other day I got a part time job offer teaching at the Lesson Factory. I could use the extra money, and I enjoy teaching piano, so at first I was pretty excited. And, to be honest, it was kind of flattering to be not even graduated from college and to get this kind of opportunity.

However, after praying about it and seeking some counsel on it, I decided now was not the time. I really don't have the kind of time to put in that they were wanting, and I need more flexibility with my schedule. Long story short, I didn't take the job.

Remaining issue: I could still use some extra cash. I have a car that needs fixed and school to pay for. And no time to commit to a normal job.

Now, when I prayed about the Lesson Factory, I asked God for peace in whichever decision (yes or no) was right. And I said if this was from Him, great. I also said that if not, then I was going to trust Him to provide something else. Because, if I'm being really honest, I was a little scared that I was going to make a wrong decision and then doors would never open up there again. But I made my choice and let it go.

Here's the fun thing.

I clean for a super-sweet elderly lady every other weekend. Today happened to be one of those weekends. And she mentioned that a relative of mine was actually wondering if I could pick up some hours cleaning for her as well.

The great thing about this is that it would be on the weekend, which I can manage, and it would alternate with my other cleaning weekend, making so I don't have to reschedule anything or try to work around my already crazy life. It would fit perfectly into a spot I have and if I need that day off for something, it's easier to get it off than it would be working elsewhere at, say, the Lesson Factory.

Now, it's not as glamorous as teaching piano by any means. But that ok with me. If this works out, it gives me the few extra hours of a job that I need and it doesn't require me to give up anything else or set up expectations I can't commit to. It works for me.

And I was definitely not looking for anything.

Gotta love how God brings in those blessings when you're not looking.

"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:19)

Lost of times when you're not looking. :)

Never Again

I will never have this moment again.

I will never have this day again.

It's gone.

I've been thinking lately about how easy it is to look to the future. Especially as a college student, it's easy to look ahead and say "When I get out of school, I'll do such and such." Or "When such and such happens, I'll work on this." Always looking to the future, always waiting for tomorrow.

Hey, there's a song about that! If you listened to Stellar Kart a few years ago, you know what I'm talking about ;D The lyrics go like this:

Always waiting for tomorrow
Always waiting for the new to come around
Still waiting for tomorrow
Always waiting for anything but now

Now, don't get me wrong, it IS important to plan ahead, to look ahead and to have a goal in life!
BUT it is really easy to be so excited for the future, living so much for tomorrow, that we miss out on what God is doing now.

I think it's important to have a dream and a goal and to know where God is calling us. But let's not miss what God has for us now.

Because we will never have this moment again. You will never be exactly who you are, in this very place, in this very moment, in this very situation, with the same people, with the same emotions, with the same thoughts all together, ever again. Today will never happen again. Similar days may happen. But you will never have today back.

I'm reading The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis right now. If you don't know what that is, it's a series of letters written from the perspective of one demon to another, concerning the tempting methods of a man. There is a chapter in which the demon writing gives advice to the demon receiving the letter, concerning how to get his human to view time.

"...the Present is the point at which time touches eternity...Our business is to get them away from the eternal, and from the Present. With this in view, we sometimes tempt a human...to live in the Past...It is far better to make them live in the Future...it is unknown to them, so that in making them think about it we make them think of unrealities...To be sure, the Enemy (God) wants men to think of the Future too--just so much as is necessary for now planning the actions of justice or charity which will probably be their duty tomorrow...He does not want men to give the future their hearts, to place their treasure in it. We do...we want a man hag-ridden by the Future...We want a whole race perpetually in pursuit of the rainbow's end, never honest, nor kind, nor happy now, but always using as mere fuel wherewithal to heap the altar of the future every real gift which is offered them in the present."

This was sobering to me, because it made me consider--how much time do I waste worrying about what's ahead or thinking so much about my future, that I forget to make the best opportunity of what God has placed before me now.

I go to a fabulous school. I have amazing people in my life. I get chances to lead worship, both at my church and my school. I get to learn daily more about God and people and music. I get to live here where I am, with these people around me, doing the things that I get to do now.

And I will never have this unique blend of time, place, people and opportunities that I now have, ever again. Tomorrow will be different. The next season of my life will be different.

So how am I living now?

Happy Single's Awareness Day!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! Or Single's Awareness Day. Whichever you prefer.

I feel like Valentine's Day is somewhat of a touchy subject for some people. And it's no big deal for others. And it's a joyous, lovey dovey occasion for others.

Who knew one holiday could be celebrated so many different ways?

You have your non-single people, whose brains probably look something like this:

And you have your single people, whose brains probably look something like this:

OR something like this:

Personally, I find myself in a cross between Godzilla up there, and this:

Kidding! But not really. Depends on the day. I just really wanted to incorporate that Justin Bieber song in this posting...

All kidding aside, some people make a big deal out of this day, and others don't. And the reasons for doing so or for not doing so are, I'm guessing, about as unique as the individual the reasons come from.

Before I continue, I would just like to say, that if you have a significant other to celebrate this day with, blessings and happiness to you. I hope this day is wonderful and romantic and memorable. I really do. Now, know that the rest of this posting is directed towards singles, but you may get something out of it too. 

Everybody watch this:  http://youtu.be/XtbW_2FONn8

Ok, my single friends. Hear me out. I'm single too. As single as they come. My mother had been married for a year by the time she was my age. (I'm 20. You do the math) I have close friends who are in serious relationships, or engaged, or married. I have a friend younger than me who's been married since this summer! Couples are hooking up all around me, seriously like all the time. I go to a Bible college for crying out loud. 

I know what it's like to want a boyfriend and not have one. I know what it's like to like someone and have them pay special attention to your friend instead of you. I know what it's like to have someone like you and to not like them back. I know what it is to be single. Trust me. I know what it is to have that little creepy voice whisper in the back of your mind saying "Something is wrong with you. You're not worth loving. You're not worth pursuing. No one will ever want to go deeper into who you are. You're not worth knowing. Suck it up."

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who's ever gotten that message. So let's walk through this together, shall we? This isn't about Valentine's Day. This is about our hearts. Because what's in our hearts is magnified in situations like this. In other words, your attitude towards this day is indicative of what's going on inside of you.

What I have found is that I cannot, cannot, cannot base my social status, my value, my worth, my affirmation, my future, my anything, on other people. The only only only only person who can silence the creepy voice of worthlessness is Jesus Christ. And I am firmly convinced that if I am not whole and complete and significant and loved and loving without a guy in my life, then I will not be all those things with a guy in my life. Yes, I want to get married someday. Yes, I would love to have a boyfriend. But I also know that this is a time of my life that I will never have again. And for me to waste a lot of time wishing for what isn't mine in this season, is to miss what is for me in this season. If all my energy and thought life is spend wishing for a guy, then I'm missing out on the blessings and opportunities God has right in front of me. The guy will come. My job is to travel the road I'm on faithfully until God joins our two roads together. 

If you are freaking out about this day because you are single, I would like to humbly and gently offer this piece of advice: relax. It's ok. Take a deep breath. You are not the only single person in the world. And you have the rest of your life ahead of you. 

And your worth is not reliant on you having a significant other.

Now, what I'm not saying today is that we should all want to be nuns or monks or that we should stop liking people or stop wanting to fall in love. That is not what I am saying.

What I am saying is let's not freak out. Rest in knowing that when the time is right, it'll happen. And I firmly believe that if we let God write our love story, rather than trying to tell Him how we think it should go, it'll be so much more beautiful. 

Enjoy your day today. Knowing that regardless of your current relationship status, you're ok. Life is full of seasons. Enjoy the one you're in. It's not forever. 

We're ok, my single friends. We're ok. And there is nothing wrong with us. Don't let anyone tell you that there is. 

Happy Valentine's Day. :)

Sex Sells.

Sex sells. Obviously.

Don't worry, I'm not going to go off on a tirade about all the sensual Super Bowl commercials like thousands of other people are probably doing. Nor am I going to discuss all the elements of Beyonce's half time show (which, don't get me wrong, she's a talented artist. It's too bad though that her performance made her another object for men to watch and drool over).

But hey, this is our culture, right? A world where female performers are expected to show skin, dance their butts off (literally), and give those dark mysterious looks into the camera? A world where "Two Broke Girls" pole dance "because it's the Super Bowl." A world where women and girls are brought into New Orleans specifically for the Super Bowl, to "service" anywhere from 25-50 men in a day. A world where what used to be something sacred and beautiful has been reduced to nothing more than an exchange of saliva between whatever randomly-matched people a company chooses to publicize. A world where it's normal for a male model to prance around in his underwear.

Well played, Satan. Well played. You've managed to take some of God's most creative and beautiful ideas, you've taken His image-bearers and the highest possible level of human intimacy and you've managed to twist them, strangle them, mangle them, rip it all up and repackage everything as something appealing.

And we've bought it.

We've totally bought it. Because we are wired for intimacy. We are wired for sex. We are wired to admire the opposite sex. But something inside us is broken and we have stopped treating all this as something beautiful and God-ordained. It has become our god. Instead of a means of worshiping God as He intended, we have made sex our god.

So we live in a world where sex is glorified and publicized. A world where the expected "Secret Life" of our teenagers is sex. A world where women are expected to dress to show what they've got and act in ways guys like. A world where men are expected to meet the athletic, muscular profile. A world where we all have to be toned and tanned enough to look really good in a swim suit.

Does anyone else have a problem with this? Being told by culture that all you're good for is sex? Because that's essentially what all these messages mean. The expectations and standards of our world is that we are attractive and mysterious enough to maintain a couple of really intriguing romances before we get really old and wrinkly. And because no one wants to get old and wrinkly, do everything you can to "reverse" the aging process so you stay attractive. So that you're good for something.

We've created a mess for ourselves. A mess too big to explore in a blog. This page would go on and on if I kept pointing out messages and ways we're lied to.

I don't think we really need to be told though, do we? We know all this. Deep down inside, we know all this.

What are you going to do about it?

Seriously, not sarcastically or rhetorically or shrugging it off.

What are you going to do?

Just what I needed

I was not excited to wake up this morning.

Yesterday was a super long day, with me getting home around midnight, absolutely exhausted from a day of classes, work, Zumba, homework and going and going and going. And it just wasn't really my day. Ya know?

So when my alarm went off this morning...let's just say I hit the snooze button. Several times.

It was foggy. I was tired. I was achey. I didn't want to move. My bed was comfy, it was warm and who really wants to leave that? Especially when you know homework is waiting for your attention because it's due in a few hours...

Now, if I was more perfect, the next thing I'd have to say would be that I got up anyways, thanking God for the day with a smile on my face, did my devotions, listened to worship music as I got ready and the rest of the day was perfect.

Sigh. Not quite.

I did get up. Eventually. ;) I did thank God for the day. I didn't do my devotions (but I'm doing them tonight!), and I didn't listen to worship music as I got ready. I didn't pay close enough attention on my homework and therefore didn't do an entire page. I didn't get my piano practiced and I forgot about a test I have tomorrow (thank you Grace for reminding me).

But I'm still glad I got up this morning and that I have a Savior who loves me through my imperfections, less-than-stellar attitudes and failures.

Today I got to spend time with some dear friends. One in the morning as I did homework and had coffee, another during lunch, another on a half-hour walk in the sunshine. I got to go home for dinner with my family (a rare occurrence for me due to work schedules), and I had chocolate. :)

Maybe these things don't seem like big deals, but they were to me.

Being with friends and being with family are huge blessings to me. The sun was something I was really, really desiring (I'm like a solar-powered energizer bunny. Ok, not really. But if you lived in Oregon, you'd know the feeling of desiring sun the way we do). And coffee and chocolate are things that I really enjoy. Not life changing, but I still enjoy them.

In other words, today may not have been absolutely perfect, but it was sure full of blessings. And if I wasn't looking for God's love notes, He sure made them obvious.

He knows what blesses me and energizes me. And today He gave me a whole bunch of them. Just what I needed, when I needed it.

Even though I wasn't excited to wake up this morning.

I wish it could be this way every time I wake up like this. But the fog doesn't always lift, people aren't always around, chocolate and coffee take money and long days happen. And if all the things that make me happy were around all the time I'd probably cease to appreciate them.

Just what I needed, when I needed it. God's love notes. Sometimes really obvious, sometimes not. Today was pretty obvious :)

Thank You, Lord.