Surviving Four Years of Bible College as a Single

"Ring by Spring or your money back!"

Oh, how I wish it were true. Cuz I would have about $40,000 coming my way in about four months! I have done it, ladies and gentlemen: I have survived four years of Bible college completely single! 

For those of you not lucky enough to attend a private Christian college for your extended education, and therefore don't understand my opening statement, let me quick clue you in: 

At Bible college, your single friends drop like flies. Everybody who goes to Bible college meets their spouse there. I can't tell you how many pastors I know of who are like, "Oh yeah, I met my wife in Bible college!" It's crazy. 

And soooo many of my friends at New Hope Christian College are either dating, engaged or married. Some of them now have children. It's crazy. Like, your senior classmates are all getting married and you're just like, "whoaah, weren't we just 18-year-old freshmen???" 

It's crazy.

And you yourself are over in the corner, dateless, friendless, alone....

KIDDING!!! Sometimes I do sit in the corners, but I'm hardly friendless. And while I may sound like I'm poking fun, I really do absolutely adore my friend-couples.  I love seeing the unique love stories God has written for them and it's a blast watching their relationships grow! They're beautiful.

And now you awesome singles are all like,

"Hey, um, Corinne, you're not making me feel very good about being single over here. It's Valentine's Day and I thought you were going to talk about surviving Bible college as a single."

Oh yeah, sorry. Stay with me. 

I am going to share five things that I have discovered in my 21 years of absolute singleness, the past four of which have been spent watching friends pair up while I remain...un-paired-up. They're attitudes and mindsets that keep me from freaking out about Valentine's Day. And weddings. And singleness in general :) Here we go:

#1. Life is too short to be bitter about being single. 

Seriously. Let's think about this. You're probably not going to be single for forever. Just because you're single now, doesn't mean it will always be this way! And how much do you miss now by being bitter about what you don't have? (Hint: a lot). 

#2. Singleness is a season and a gift. 

Yes, there are some people specially gifted by God to be single their whole lives. But as a friend of mine once put it, if you're wondering if you have the gift, you probably don't. You would know if you did. God created marriage, He invented relationships and He created us for it. So relax. This is not for forever. Enjoy where you are now because you'll never be here again! What are you doing with your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical energy in the meantime, in the here and now? Cuz it's not forever!

#3. Your value and worth are not based on the person (or lack thereof) at your side. 

This may sound like a no-brainer at surface level, but I think if we all look deeper into ourselves, we find that a lot of our discontentment in singleness has to do with our own insecurities. Not all, but a lot. Hey, it feels good to be important to someone, to be the answer to their world, to have their undivided attention. Makes us feel "worth it." But we need to realize we're "worth it," even if "it" isn't currently available to us (whatever "it" is). 

#4. Valentine's Day is NOT a holiday to freak out about. 

It's not that big of a deal. So you don't have a date, so what? There's nothing wrong with that. Refer back to point #3. And point #1. 

#5. God's plan is better than yours.

Like most cliche statements, It only sounds cliche because it's true. If you are currently single, you have the privilege of dealing with different challenges and trials and getting to seek God in different ways than you would if you were in a relationship. Relationships with a significant other are not the point of life. Relationship with God is the point. Any other relationship or lack thereof is an opportunity to know Him more. Stop trying to control your life and write your own story and instead decide to partner with God in the one He's already got planned for you (Ephesians 2:10 anyone?). 

Now, while I say all this, please know that I am SO excited for the day the right man of God walks into my life. I am ecstatic for the day we start a journey of relationship together. I am thrilled to think of the companionship, the adventures, and the challenges we'll walk in. I look forward to someday committing myself to one man for the rest of my life. 

BUT I'm not waiting or moping around. I'm living life. When our paths cross, it'll be because we're both heading somewhere, going the same direction. My life doesn't start when someone walks into it to complete me. My life is complete in Christ, and my life is now. Someday I'll get the blessing of joining my life to another, but until then, I've got things to do and people to meet and ministry to do and a Christ to devote myself to without distraction. 

Some days it's hard though, isn't it, my fellow single hearts? We long for someone to know us to know them ourselves like no one else does. We desire the companionship, and we ache for what we see in the couples around us. 

But you know, God knows the desires of our hearts and He doesn't put them there to tease us. But also know that nothing on this earth is an end in and of itself. It's a means to an end, the end being knowing God Himself. He's the point, He's the goal. Not the cute guy or girl you wish was at your side. He's not so concerned about you finding a relationship with a guy to girl as He is about you finding relationship in Him. 

To wrap all this up, I say this: relax. Stop freaking out. You're ok. There's nothing wrong with you and God hasn't left you hanging. Is it easy? No. Does it sometimes suck? Yes. Do we have unique challenges to overcome in our generation? Yes, yes we do. 

But please live your life. Please live free of bitterness and moping and insecurity. That's not what God intends for you. Do what He's put in front of you, live where He has you and trust He'll give you the desires of your heart as you delight yourself in Him. 

Happy Valentine's Day. ;) 

From the Journal of a Bible College Student: Relationship with God

May 12, 2013
Lord, here I am. Wanting to be very raw and real. Plow the soil of my heart. Deal with me. Bring things up by Your Holy Spirit.

I haven't been listening. My spiritual ears are deafened. I haven't been believing. Why? Where has my faith gone? I've brushed so many things aside, so much I just made head knowledge.

So many callouses. So much hard heartedness. And so much insecurity about my weaknesses and insecurities.

God, break me open.

I am so selfish. I have reverted inwards to where I am the center. This should not be!

God, shine Your light into me. Into every crack and crevice of my soul, every corner of my mind, every part of my being. Shine into me, illuminate and expose even the very dusty corners. Illuminate and expose the dark and secret places of my innermost self. Penetrate to my very core. Your word can do that. Your Word is a light and a sword and I pray that it would cut into me and expose me. Past the layers. Past the self-defenses of image and sarcasm and goofiness. Through the insecurities and doubts and fears. Through the tough shell and the soft shell. Through my desires and hopes and dreams.

What are You saying to me? Open my ears. Open my eyes. Soften my heart.

Plow the soil of my heart.

I want to know You.

And I want to be whole again. I want to be holy. Because You are holy.

Yes I did.

I wrote all that. In my journal. Last May, after my Junior year at New Hope.

I go to Bible college, y'all. I know the Bible. I'm learning to study it. I'm learning all the right answers. I'm learning how to do ministry, how to lead, how to worship, how to read the Bible, how to apply it to my life. I'm learning about God.

But I realized I was missing something.

And it wasn't anyone's fault but my own.

When I got to the end of the school year last May, I felt so dead. Did you know that you can spend ALL your time around God's word and His people and even in His presence and still miss something? Did you know it's possible to lose passion for God in a Bible college? Did you know it's possible to read His word and it not change you?

It is.

I had it happen.

Here's what I missed:

I missed the relationship part of my relationship with God.

Sounds crazy, huh? How do you have a relationship with God and yet miss the relational aspect of it?

Exactly.

I had made my Spiritual life with God an academic exercise. When I read my Bible, all I tried to do was extrapolate whatever I could out of it and then tried to cram it down my own throat. I never took time to really listen to what God would say to me. I never spent time just worshiping Him in private or secret. I never spend time alone with Him. Not quality time. I always put it off. I always put off the still, small voice that would say "Come away with Me." I stuffed things down, thinking "oh, I'll deal with that later. I'm too busy to let God speak into that now." And after stuffing things down for so long, always being too busy to spend real time with God, I reached the point where I just couldn't hear or be still anymore.

         

It was like being in a relationship you're too busy for. I knew so much about God. But I forgot to make effort to know Him, not just about Him. And there is no one to blame but myself.

It isn't Bible college that does this to us, guys. We do it to ourselves. It's the condition of our own hearts.

So at the end of last year, I found myself putting on paper the words you find above. It was a prayer I really meant. I realized I couldn't fix myself or undo what I had done. I couldn't rescue myself from the point of numbness I had reached. And looking back over this past summer, it's a prayer God has been answering. Which means I've experienced some "good pain" this summer. Because when God exposes what's wrong in you and then moves to fix it, it means peeling off some scabs and doing some surgery. God brought me through some circumstances that did just that. And through it all, I had to seek Him to get answers. I had to seek Him to understand, to process what was going on.

So what is my point? I have three. They are these:

• Life is about relationship with God. If we make it about anything else, we miss something.

• Regardless of where you have been or are now in your relationship with God, you're not too far gone for Him to heal. And He is the one who does the healing. We can't heal ourselves. We can't open our own ears. We can't teach ourselves lessons. We can't do surgery on ourselves. If we try, we'll just mess ourselves up more.

• Surrender is a beautiful word. It's the point I came to last May. It's where I came to the end of trying to fix my relationship with God and finally just submitted myself to Him again.

Surrender. That's where I met Him. He was always there to meet me, but that's where I met Him.

Hope this encourages you. :)